Drained

 I am feeling very drained coming off of the STN trip. This year has been a lot for me and my television production journey. I love what I do but this year I was so close to losing the burning passion I once felt for TV. I went into this year with so many high hopes. I took on such a vital role within this club because I loved it so much. This was a place where I could call home, a place where I could go and feel comfortable with who I am. My safe place.

I spent all year building a team full of talented and creative individuals to compete in the largest television competition in the nation. I studied these kids, getting to know them, and watching their every move. I was able to pinpoint the gifts within all of them and create teams that would benefit the whole crew. I fell in love with mentoring these children, experiencing such enormous waves of happiness every time I saw someone on the crew light up the room. September 17th was the day it all clicked for me. I stood in front of sixty children who had spent their time, on a Saturday, to come and try out for this competition. I looked out into these children’s eyes and water immediately began to flow. I had fallen in love with what I was doing. I spent my weeks, my days, my months devoting my life to this. 

I went into this year saying to myself if I can change one person’s life then I have done my job. After the trip was over I received a message from one of the sophomores in our club, her name is Duda, and she said to me

 “...thank you so much for showing me the other side of competitions and for showing me that CBTV is more than a club, we are a family! I WILL NEVER FORGET ABOUT YOU! I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for the club and especially for me!”

I read this message and I immediately started to ball my eyes out. Knowing that I was able to make an impact like this on someone’s life has allowed me to see past the fact that I was falling out of love with this passion. I was able to look past what had happened this entire year and come to a realization that this is why I do what I do. I crave to pull human connection out of anyone, whether it be the person that I am interviewing, my literal neighbor, or even my baby cousin. The human connection was there, and I could feel it radiating. There is hope